When all is said and done…

2 Elul 5774 Yerushalayim

When all is said and done… more is said, than done.

This Elul will also mark twenty years since I came to Israel.

And what have I achieved here? I presently have no wife, no children. Have I attained any of my goals to help make this a better place?

Seems like I have misused so much time. Working too much, working too little. Who can have the courage to be himself? Who can really trust in Hashem and truly serve Him with joy?

Seven years have flew by since my divorce. Two people, not understanding each other enough. Me also with self doubts because of my lack of professional achievement. Only in recent years have I got into a job, gardening, which I like somewhat. Most of the other things I did I just fell into, and did just to make money. And I spent so much tiring time on some of them, that I got run down and discouraged, and without enough time for things really important to me.

What of my dreams to be a great educator? What of my dreams to be changing things in the fabric of Israel society?

Where are the children I yearn for? The wife I can connect with and face the world with confidently?

There is a way of living in which each day is equal in its spiritual value and all the days which preceded it together.

Teach me Hashem, to number our days, then I will attain a heart of wisdom.


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